Was sexually abused: "I don't want pity" [ARTICLE]
Article from TV2 website, published on 01.06.2024 06:01 by Tore Waskaas & Anders Myhren.
Link to the original article in Norwegian: click here
"The Voice" finalist Lavrans Svendsen (22) about how he emerged stronger from his turbulent upbringing characterized by bullying, a mother with drug problems and sexual abuse.
Lavrans Svendsen (22) stands in a colorful crop top, black trousers and sandals at Aker Brygge. Several of the passers-by cast long glances at him. Someone comes up and asks for a selfie.
The youngster from Fredrikstad has become a star after enchanting the audience and mentors in "The Voice", where he finished in second place. But the road here has been long and turbulent.
- Growing up was "rocky". Ups and downs. In many ways it was nice, but it was also heavy. I don't want to go back to that time, but I want to share my story to give hope to others.
In this interview, he will talk about a childhood and youth characterized by sexual abuse, a mother with drug problems, bullying, and the feeling like an outsider.
- I am happy that I have grown up and that I can make my own choices and look after myself, he says to TV 2.
TWO SIDES: - Much of growing up was good, but it also had a darker side. Photo: Hanna Kristin Hjardar / TV 2
Sexually abused as a child
His parents divorced when he was four years old. He does not remember life when his parents and his two siblings lived under the same roof.
From childhood he was allowed to express himself as he wished. He has always preferred to dress in a feminine expression, or in what he felt right then and there.
When he started school, he noticed that not everyone was as tolerant as his family.
In the second grade, he told his mother that he thought one of the boys in the class was cute. She thought that this was just beautiful, and little Lavrans thought that it was all just natural. At this time he did not yet know about "the closet that was created by the society" [from which you need to "come out" - translator's note].
Then he said the same thing to the class. It didn't go well there.
As a result the other boys no longer wanted to play with him. What the mother had seen as sweet was met with ostracism by the peers.
To protect himself from the harassment, he erected a metaphorical wall around himself where he locked himself inside.
Over the years the wall grew higher and higher.
In his early life he was already exposed to a darkness. As a child he was a victim of sexual abuse.
Lavrans is extremely open, but admits that it takes a lot to speak out loud about this period.
- I was abused when I was five or six years old. It's hard to remember exactly how old I was, he says cautiously.
- Who did it is not important. But that was no one in the immediate family - he emphasizes.
Drug's hell
It would seem that the darkness had no end in the young boy's life, because it did not get any easier when his mother - with whom he had a strong bond - became addicted to strong painkillers.
When Lavrans was nine or ten years old, she got deep into drug abuse.
- She was no longer able to be there for us.
The 22-year-old wants her mother to elaborate herself on what happened during these difficult years, so TV 2 calls Carine Wictoria Svendsen to hear her version.
- That have been tough times. There are bigger issues in life that makes you end up so much out of your life, as I have done. I wasn't feeling well, and was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder, she says on the phone from Fredrikstad.
Around 2008, she suffered a blood clot in her knee, which was treated with medication.
- Then the road to abuse was short, because I already wanted to get away from what was so painful. Once you get into an addiction, it's so hard to get out of it.
For a period of around ten years, Carine Svendsen was dependent on strong LAR drugs and benzodiazepines.
She tried to get out of the abuse for the sake of her three beloved children, but there was little - or no - help from the public.
Through her own efforts and strength, driven by a deep love for her three children, she has been drug-free since 2021.
- I got a voice in my head that said: "If you're going to manage this, you have to do it yourself". Getting out of it is very much about facing one's own shame linked to the addiction - she says.
- In addition dynamics, the feeling of self-hatred is also a major contributor to the fact that it is difficult to get out of it. But I’ve simply had to give it time, and that’s how I’ve managed.
Talking out loud about the challenges and the darkness is very important for her and the rest of the family. They point out that most people have some form of generational trauma that is difficult to deal with.
- These traumas continue if we do not become aware of them. It is good to think that we, as a family, have dealt with several things, such as abuse, mental illness and addiction.
She believes that openness is important to overcome the shame.
- Many people condemn addicts as bad people. It is not like that. They are people who feel bad.
Stones were thrown at him
In one of her many attempts to become drug-free, Carine Svendsen spent time in a detoxification clinic. There she met a man from Telemark, and eventually took Lavrans with her and moved to her new lover's hometown.
While she tried to start a life sober, Lavrans began a new everyday life at a foreign school.
This ninth school year was his worst.
As a newcomer and someone who was different, Svendsen involuntarily became a walking target for bullies.
- One time I was surprised by two people who threw stones in my direction. I was shocked. Poeple hurt me a lot, like pushing desks at me in the classroom. The words they used were disgusting and ostracizing. It stings. - he says seriously and thoughtfully.
At home in Fredrikstad, he was used to receiving reactions that he was feminine, but in the small town in Telemark it was different - for the worse.
When his name was called out in class, it was often followed by shouts - for example "AIDS!" - of certain fellow pupils.
- It's as if someone is shooting you. But at the same time I was thinking that this is just so stupid - he says.
Sometimes he ignored it, but today he realizes that the stress of the bullying has followed him.
- It affected me much more than I thought, because afterwards I got a form of social anxiety. Later when I changed schools again, I remember having several panic attacks.
When he looks back on his time in the ninth grade, it is the separation from other people that affected him the most.
- It's strange how ostracism works, because it wasn't necessarily the words or actions that were the problem. Instinctively, being ostracized by the human pack is a life-threatening situation, so my body reacted very strongly to it.
- I feel that I have gotten past it, but there is still a bit to go. I have always been social and happy to get to know people, but after the bullying I became more withdrawn.
Felt so little value in myself
In his teens he was sexually abused again. Lavrans says that he met a previously convicted man, who had served time in prison for child abuse.
- At the age of 14, I placed myself in a situation that caused me to end up in a vicious circle where I was abused over time. It happened because I felt so little value in myself. It became a form of unconscious self-harm - he says quietly.
While the abuse was going on, he did everything in his power to mentally disconnect from his physical body.
- I tried to escape from my body during the abuse. I tried not to be present. Afterwards, I disappeared a bit from the world.
- I felt very distant. I felt like I couldn't be there for the people around me or myself.
He stops a little.
- There are many details I could tell, but I will not go into them. I don't want pity, but I want to talk about this so that others can know that things are going well even if it looks dark.
Lavrans believes that the abuser, who is now a free man, should have received help when he was sentenced the first time.
- He had done it once before, and then he did it again. The first year in prison didn't help him, so how is another year going to help? There should be a better help system in place.
- It is a pity for him who is attracted to children. It must be horrible.
Spiritual awakening
Three or four years ago, Lavrans had a life-changing experience. He believes this formed the basis for the way he sees the world today.
After going to the cinema, he came home and had what he describes as a "strong spiritual experience ".
- It was an incident of various views and understandings which I got in my head. I was in a kind of trance, which ended with a strong feeling of love. I understood that we are all connected. Even if you can't see it, we are all part of the same thing.
He points out that he had neither drunk alcohol nor taken other drugs when his spiritual awakening took place.
After the incident, he went straight to his mother and explained to her about the spiritual awakening. His message was clear and distinct: “Life is basically beautiful. Put away fear, ego and control".
- At first she thought I had gone crazy - he says and laughs a little.
Lavrans explained to his mother that the inner, negative voice should not be paid attention to. That one's ego can quickly take on an overshadowing and unsustainable role.
- She became curious. After a month, she suddenly understood what I was talking about. It has opened up some tools, which have helped her get through the hell which is going through a detox.
On the phone from Fredrikstad, Carine Svendsen explains that Lavrans' experience gradually gained a foothold with her as well.
- We have both had the spiritual awakening. We may have a slightly different view of the world than many others in our society have - she says.
Today, Lavrans and his mother live at his brother's house in Fredrikstad. The sister also lives there, when she is home from medical studies in Krakow.
After Carine Svendsen started tapering off drugs, Lavrans has been with her every single day.
- We couldn't have been better than when we are together. We have always been loved, through everything that has happened, and that has saved us - says Lavrans.
It is important to remove the shame
Although it is demanding, Lavrans feels that it is important to speak out loud about feelings and the traumatizing experiences.
- If I had heard someone else talk about this, I might have started to heal myself. I might have recognized myself and could have acknowledged it, brought it up and talked about it, and removed the shame you feel around it.
- It is so important to remove the shame, because it puts a lid on something that needs to be redeemed.
- Of course it's uncomfortable to talk about, but I think it's important that I do. It's no use telling others what to do, but I hope my openness shows that it is possible to get out of the darkness.
For Lavrans, openness has made it easier for him to be fully himself. His voice and unique expression of style led to success in "The Voice", and now he is bubbling over with plans for the future.
He expresses a strong interest in producing music videos, writing more songs, and sharing the most important message he holds in his heart.
But his biggest dream and ambition is to get people to give love to each other.
- Finding love for yourself and the world is the greatest gift you can receive. I want others to know that. Knowing that the world can be beautiful, even if it can also be dark. Because I think that the darkness has made me see all the light better.
Translation by Ada KaEm, redaction by Ada KaEm
Source article: click here
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